Shades of Grey

Early December, we start to run down the freezer contents to make way for Tommy the Turkey. We generally get a frozen bird that does us for Christmas Day and Boxing Day. I’m a total wiener when it comes to food, I like it to look processed and as little like it came from an animal as possible. So, I have a preference for breast meat rather than wings, legs or drumsticks, burgers rather than T Bone steaks, back bacon rather than streaky. If it has bones in it, gristle or (heaven forbid) tubes sticking out of it, I’ll pick at the food.

I think this dates back to when I was a kid and my Dad brought a fresh turkey home. He had been given it in lieu of repayment for a favour and it had had its neck wrung as part of the process. Now my Dad had been a butcher’s boy so he wasn’t a stranger to butchery, but my Mum told me that he didn’t eat sausages for many years afterwards (as he knew what went into them). He gutted & prepared this bird and I kept popping in with a morbid fascination for the strange objects revealed within. The stomach was the size of a clenched fist and it looked ready to burst- he chased me round the kitchen with it and I ran giggling and shrieking to hide behind my Mum (who, incidentally, had decided to have nothing to do with it until presented with a selection of clean butcher’s cuts). Contrast that with my Granddad, who liked offal of all sorts, especially trotters, brains and tripe. About all I was willing to eat (and that was pushing the boat out) was Pork Scratchings, but hairy bits would put me off. (They still do).

Anyway, Bird Flu has been discovered at a Turkey Farm in Suffolk and if Defra handle the outbreaks with their usual kack-handed incompetence, we can expect severe turkey shortages this coming Christmas. So, just to be on the safe side, I bought a large breast joint for about £8 and it is now in the freezer. I was going to get a turkey crown but they were round about £17, and twice the size of course. Maybe we don’t have to run down the freezer contents after all.