Doctor Crippen, the NHS Blog Doctor, does not recommend going to an NHS hospital if you can avoid it. Buried amongst hundreds of postings, I thought this random quote was rather enlightening:

We are witnessing the elevation of competence over excellence.

Anyway, my 96 hours in the Company of the medical profession was an interesting one and has given me a number of anecdotes to blog about. For the benefit of the squeamish to be able to skip on, they will all feature the crutch image as above, even though the contents may well vary in their biological frankness.

There are numerous private healthcare schemes in Britain, from £1:35 a week Hospital saturday Funds through to total Healthcare like BUPA. The reality though, is that private healthcare does nor provide emergency services- the NHS does all of the accident and emergency work (although you may be transferred to a private hospital once stabilised).

Never mind the no smoking and zero tolerance signs at hospital entrances, they ought to say this:

Yesterday morning, I was contemplating the universe from a seated position when David brought me a present that he had made me while I was in hospital- a tin foil hat. Here is a picture of me wearing it whilst holding my hospital present- Coopers Elbow Crutches. (They’re useless without me!)

When pottering later on, I picked up a flyer for my forthcoming birthday party (we sent them out with our Christmas cards). I had designed it as folded A4, with a centre spread, details on the back and a blank cover. We then asked David to draw a picture on the front, on the theme of Dad reaching Fifty.

He didn’t spend very long at it, having more important tasks to achieve (of the Nintendo variety), however, he drew an old looking, rather stooped version of me with my zip down and with a walking stick.  (There is also a telly with Homer Simpson on the screen, for some reason.) It seems the fly being open is symbolic of old people smelling of wee and he has been visiting old folks clubs discussing the war with school so who am I to argue?

Anyway, it is quite likely that I may well have a walking stick at my party, but I’ll try not to wet myself…