I picked up this flyer the other day in the Morley Leisure Centre. It looked rather appealing- the chance to sing in a big choral show, part of an outfit called Sing Live Northern. The more I looked at it though, the more it didn’t feel quite right. It isn’t a society as such, it is a business, geared up to putting on shows, getting the cast to pay for the privilege and expecting them to shift the tickets as well.

It isn’t a swindle though- far from it. What it does is appeal to people who perhaps don’t want to try too hard. No auditions- unless you want to go for a solo. It is all laid on for you- by paid employees rather than volunteers. You have to pay a deposit for your libretto and you have to give it back, but you can scribble on it as much as you like. (They are presumably destroyed to keep the publishers happy). You need to pay for an ID card to keep the venues happy. You have to buy the nominated dress shirt for the show but of course you get to keep it and probably use it again. You even pay a “nominal fee” for the training and performance fees- although I wouldn’t call £150 nominal, personally.

What do you get out of all this, after grafting at weekly rehearsals for three months and giving up most of the performance weekend getting it right? A huge feeling of satisfaction from a job well done and basking in the warm glow of enthusiastic applause. If you have been buddied up with someone tone deaf but thick skinned, that might tarnish though!

The last time I sang properly was in the VI Form- we did a performance for some music concert event or other and I remember it with great affection, “Winker” Watson teasing and cajoling us whilst he conducted, almost (but not quite) to the point of us corpsing.

Before that, I was a boy soprano in “The Idiots”, singing “Answer Me” and “Ave Maria” as solo, “Coming round the Mountain” and “Over There” in ensemble.

I’ve sang in ad-hoc revues since then, but nothing serious. I don’t have a particularly good voice and a somewhat limited range, something that comes home to roost in church, trying the subsequent verse an octive higher (or lower) after I’ve croaked (or squeaked).

I took a look at their booking form and foundered on this question-

I really don’t know, I have a deep voice but I’m not Barry White. I imagine I’m a baritone- “can’t sing quite high, and can’t quite sing low…”

Doing one of these once would be good fun, but unfortunately I’ve got tickets for a show the Saturday night of Back to the musicals. A show with scenery & stuff in a theatre. If I had actually been into singing then I’d probably be wary of this sort of thing though, it is the difference between Eighteen Plus (that organised itself so that anything was possible) and Spice (where it is all laid on for you, on a plate, at a cost).

Sadly, youngsters prefer the latter these days and so, it appears, do wannabe singers.